If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
