Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
