Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
