I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i think i just lost a toe
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
