I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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