In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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