"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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