You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
