today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
