On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
