So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
