The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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