I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
