i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
