We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
