i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
