Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
