I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
