I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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