I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
