the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
