i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
