Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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