You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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