Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
