He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
