I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
