Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
