Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
