don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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