I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
