i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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