Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
