He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
