We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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