it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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