Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
