You're earring is so big in my mouth
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
