How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
