so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
