There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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