I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
