Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
