my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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