Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
too bad you live with your parents still
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
