i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
