threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize