new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
