Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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