I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
